Debbie's Perspective

Just my thoughts of the day.

Jul 17

The Runaway

by Debbie

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ~ Philippians 4:6

The cell phone rang beside the bed waking us both up. I looked at the clock; 5:15 am. Van answered with a strange voice. I could tell he knew the caller but was cautious, then a strained, “Where are you?”

It was our seventeen year old son who has autism. This past year we’ve had problems with him sneaking out in the middle of the night to go to the school down the street to touch doors. Apparently the beeping that alerts us to a door or window didn’t wake us up. How did he escape this time; a door left unlocked or through a window? Windows are his new escape route. We knew it wouldn’t be long before he figured out all he had to do was open the window and push out the screen.

“Pearson Ranch,” Van said incredulously. My mind screamed, but that’s a mile away! Our son was in his pajamas a mile away headed to a major highway. Van told him to wait and he’d be right there to get him, and then ran to get dressed and leave. I looked around to see how our son had gotten out. It was the garage door, the deadbolt was unlocked. One of us had gone through that door and left it unlocked. In anyone else’s house it wouldn’t have been a big deal. Before this past year it never was a big deal in our house either. That door was never locked. Now with its keyed deadbolt and locking key keeper beside the door, it’s supposed to remain locked at all times. The hard part is that most of the time it really doesn’t matter if it’s locked because Carson is fine and doesn’t want to leave the house, but when it matters, it matters so we can’t take the risk. We left it unlocked, and now our sweet innocent boy who doesn’t understand danger is standing on the side of the road a mile away in the dark.

My husband left and I slipped onto my knees beside the bed. “Oh Lord, keep my baby safe. Thank you that he took his phone with him, and thank you that he knows where he is and called us.” I prayed as anxious thoughts bombarded me with what ifs. I prayed out of need for comfort from my Heavenly Father, but I also prayed out of obedience. I could stand there wringing my hands with worry letting my anxious thoughts race or I could take every thought captive and bring it back to God’s truth. His word tells me not to be anxious, but to bring my petitions to Him with thanksgiving. Not thanksgiving for this calamity at the moment, but thanksgiving that He is the one who can do exceedingly abundantly more than I could think or ask. Then, when I’ve been obedient to come to Him in my distress, He will give me the peace I long for. My heart calmed and I sat on the side of the bed listening for the car.

Lord, I don’t understand why this is happening with our son. I don’t know what to do to make him safer, but You do. I will keep coming to you daily taking it step by step as you lead us through this valley. Amen.
2 Corinthians 10:5, Ephesians 3:20

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Feb 2

Selective Listener?

by Debbie

Luke 6:27a ~ “But to you who are willing to listen, I say, love your enemies!

I was just walking toward the kitchen as my husband walked past me and quickly said, “Don’t worry, I have already asked her to clean it all up.”  Then he promptly left the house for work.

I hesitantly walked around the corner and came face to face with my teenage daughter using her feet on two dish towels swiping away at the floor.  When she saw the look on my face she said, “Mom, you should be glad that I already cleaned up a lot of it.  It was really messy earlier.  Great! I thought as I surveyed the flour and powdered sugar dusted counters, the sink and counter full of dishes, and the little drifts of powdered sugar clinging to two of the cabinet doors.

I was already frustrated irritated, okay let’s be really honest, I was angry with her over two other incidents in the last couple of days.  So last night when she just had to bake these cookies for the school project – at 10:30 p.m. – I went to bed.

After cleaning the kitchen (grudgingly because the bus doesn’t wait, and let’s face it, her cleaning methods were just making a bigger mess at the moment), but having her make her own lunch because I was taking care of her mess, I sat down to have a little quiet time with the Lord hoping for a new perspective on things.  He never disappoints.

I was reading the verse that practically screamed off the page at me, “But to you who are willing to listen…”  Well, of course, I listen.  Those who don’t would be the unbelievers or those who pick and choose what they want out of the Bible, right? I felt the Holy Spirit nudge at my heart and ask, “Are you sure it isn’t talking about you?”

Okay, Lord, show me what you want me to see.  He said, “Well, now that you are willing to LISTEN, I’d be happy to show you.  Just keep reading.”  As I read about how I am to love, be good to, bless, and pray for my enemies, I realized I wasn’t even doing that for my family so how could I possibly do it for my enemies.  Oh no! I was a selective listener.

Of course I love my family, I do good for them, I bless them, and I certainly pray for them.  I justified the situation; after all, I was just a little mad at the moment.  But wait, this passage doesn’t stop at those.  Oh goodness, there is more!  What about turning the other cheek, offering my shirt when my coat has been demanded of me, and giving freely without asking for anything in return?  Surely this isn’t talking about my situation because I’m dealing with my child, not enemies.

Hmmm, let’s see.  The end of verse 35 says that if I do all of these things I will truly be acting as a child of the Most High, for He is kind to those who are unthankful and wicked.  Then in verse 36 Jesus says, “You must be compassionate, just as your Father is compassionate.”

I know sometimes I have to chastise and discipline my children, and it is clear in God’s word that He does that to us, His children, because He loves us.  But, He is also compassionate toward us, and sometimes just makes sure we are listening and then teaches us the right things to do.

 

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Nov 7

I’m Not Supposed To

by Debbie

“I’m not supposed to……,” means my son with autism has done exactly what he is telling me he’s not supposed to do.  What he’s really saying is, “Oops, I’ve messed up again.  Will you forgive me?  Please help me.”

You see, he can’t seem to help himself.  He knows the rules, he can say the rules, he’s a stickler for others following the rules, but in the moment, he breaks the rules.  We have to help him.  We set up boundaries, we put things in place that stop him when he can’t stop himself, and we exact consequences when needed.

The other day when he had come to me for what seemed like the 50th time that day, I exasperatedly called out to the Lord asking why my child can’t obey the rules.  I know he isn’t trying to rebel.  He really does want to be obedient, but once again he isn’t.

Before I could get all of that out, I got a picture of the Lord in my mind with a twinkle in His eye and a chuckle in His response, “Hmmmm, I don’t know, Debbie, why would a child who knows the rule break it?”  Then scriptures about jealously, gossip, and anger danced before me.  “Could it be a desire to please self outweighs the desire to be obedient in that moment?”

Ouch! I had the distinct impression we weren’t talking about my son anymore, but about my “I’m not supposed to’s.”  How many times have I messed up, done exactly what I know I shouldn’t, but in the moment I just can’t seem to help myself.

Maybe my son knows something I don’t.  The minute he realizes he has been disobedient, he doesn’t run away from me, he runs to me; the rule maker, the one who can forgive him and help him find ways to avoid his lack of restraint.

So, I take a cue from my son and turn my heart to the Lord, “Father, I’m not supposed to…., will You forgive me, will you help me?”

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Dec 17

Not Just A Baby

by Debbie

I said goodbye to my daddy this past week.  As I sat by his bedside and his last hours grew near, my first thoughts were, “Lord, I had hoped we would get through Christmas.”  But as the hours ticked away, and my mother and sisters and I sang hymns to him, read scripture passages, and prayed, a different feeling filled my heart.

I know why I celebrate Christmas; the birth of my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, but there is that part of me that thinks Christmas should be happy and cheerful, pretty and fun, and family and friends getting together to celebrate.  It’s Jesus’ birthday!

Losing my daddy this time of year brought an unexpected understanding that deepens my joy of the true reason I celebrate Christmas.

Psalm 23 was one of my daddy’s favorites.  This past week, as we read it over him many times, each time I read, “Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil for you are with me,” I was aware that we all walk through that valley; we will all face death one day.  Our journey here on earth will be done, and then what?  Because of the baby Jesus lying in a manger, we can face that day with great joy and rejoicing if we’ve accepted and received His free gift of salvation by believing and placing our faith in Him.  If we’ve opened our eyes to see that He isn’t just a sweet story about a tiny baby and nothing more.

That baby was the physical manifestation of the promises throughout the Old Testament; the prophecies of a savior.  Salvation came to earth that day in the body of a baby boy, but that baby would grow to be a man, die on a cross, and rise from the dead so that we might have eternal life.  That day marked, in our physical realm, the beginning of God’s plan of redemption being fulfilled.

He is so much more! Simeon in Luke 2:28-32 saw that in the tiny baby he held – Simeon took him in his arms and praised God, saying: Sovereign Lord, as you have promised, you now dismiss your servant in peace. For my eyes have seen your salvation which you have prepared in the sight of all people, a light for revelation to the Gentiles and for glory to your people Israel.

My heart is saddened that I’ll no longer be able to see my daddy here on earth, but because of the baby Jesus the angels proclaimed, the shepherds came to see, the Wisemen traveled so far to worship; the Savior of the World, my heart rejoices because I know I will see him on the other side of the veil in the presence of our Savior.

Isaiah 9:1a – Nevertheless, there will be no more gloom for those who were in distress.

Isaiah 9:2 – The people walking in darkness have seen a great light; on those living in the land of the shadow of death a light has dawned.

Isaiah 9:6-7 – For to us a child is born, to us a son is given, and the government will be on his shoulders. And he will be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.  Of the increase of his government and peace there will be no end.  He will reign on David’s throne and over his kingdom, establishing and upholding it with justice and righteousness from that time on and forever. The zeal of the Lord Almighty will accomplish this.

Christmas has not been overshadowed by this loss because I understand that my daddy is finally truly home for Christmas. He is seeing with his eyes what we can only get a glimpse of in our hearts.

Thank you Lord Jesus, Light of the World.  May those walking in darkness turn and come into your glorious light, may they come to know the joy and peace you so freely give.

Psalm 23:6 – Surely goodness and love will follow me all the days of my life, and I will dwell in the house of the Lord forever.

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Sep 5

#FreshVision

by Debbie

Blog picture heart-made-with-hands

James 4:7 Submit yourselves, then, to God.  Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.

“Mom, I made the team!” my daughter excitedly exclaimed.

Wow, what a difference a few days makes.  If you read what I wrote last week in A Life Interrupted, you know that my daughter’s heart was broken when she was told she had been cut in the first round of tryouts for her middle school volleyball team.

She came home sick after the third day of hard tryouts and missed the first round cut announcement.  Since we couldn’t get in touch with the coach, she started calling her friends.  After three girls said she had been cut, the tears began to flow.  The dream she had been working toward was dashed.

Sometimes the dream we hold in our heart isn’t really on the path God has for our lives.  We want it to be, but God has something better for us; a different plan – we just can’t see it while we are holding onto a dream we don’t want to let go of.

This is a time for fresh vision.  This is a time to submit ourselves to God, lay it at His feet and open our heart to the new place He wants to take us. We also must resist the devil’s attempt to beat us up and cause us to question God’s love.

On Tuesday morning the next round of tryouts was scheduled, and we decided that since she hadn’t heard about the cut from the coach, we needed to verify it from the source.  She showed up at tryouts and found out that she hadn’t been cut after all.

Some dreams can be lost because of what others are telling us.  We can trust them and believe they are helping us, but we run the risk they are wrong.

Our answers must come from the source.

God is the only one who holds our future in His hands. He is the only one who knows what tomorrow brings. We must submit to Him and allow Him to lead us where He wants us to go.

A fresh vision from God breathes life and passion back into our lives; back into our dreams. Fresh vision stirs our hearts and sets things into motion driving us forward into the plans God has for us.

Lay your hopes and dreams at the feet of Jesus, and ask Him to give you a fresh vision for them.  Ask Him to show you if the ones you’ve been holding on to aren’t His.

Resist the devil because he will be quick to tell you that your dreams don’t matter to God.

The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full. ~John 10:10

The great news is the devil will flee from us when we resist him.

Last week we were weeping at the loss of a dream.  This week we understand even better that Jesus is our only source for the answers to our heart’s deepest desires because He is the one who puts them there, and He is the only one who can give us the fresh vision to see them through.

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Aug 31

A Life Interrupted

by Debbie

Blog curvy road

Romans 5:2b – 4 ~ And we rejoice in the hope of the glory of God. Not only so, but we also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance, perseverance, character; and character, hope.

My heart is aching this morning.  In one moment my daughter’s dream of playing on her middle school volleyball team was dashed when she was cut after three hard days of tryouts.

My mother’s heart weeps for her, and as I groped through my mind for something comforting to say to her to make it all better, the scripture I had been studying all week continued to play through my mind. We are to rejoice in our sufferings, but today we are weeping. Is that wrong? How do we get to a place of rejoicing?

Does God weep for us when life’s sufferings tear at our hearts; when life doesn’t go the way we planned or thought it would?

John 11:33-35 When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled. “Where have you laid him?” he asked.  Come and see, Lord,” they replied.  Jesus wept.

Jesus knew that he was going to go to the tomb where Lazarus lay dead and raise him. He knew that the outcome was going to be good, and in a short time all those who were weeping would be rejoicing, but at that moment those he loved were broken hearted, and it broke his heart.

We know as believers that the story for us ends well.  We know that there will come a day with no tears and no sorrow, and we will be in the presence of our Lord and Savior for eternity.

But, in the moment when life interrupts us, our hearts are heavy and we still have to walk it out.  We still have to persevere through the pain.  As we persevere through that pain, life lessons are learned and we are never the same.

If we allow Jesus to lead and guide us through those places, and allow Him to do His work in us as He molds the twists and turns of our life into the direction He has for us, then character will be built, and hope will spring forth to a new season; a new calling.

How can we move through those places and continue to persevere when our heart is breaking?  How do we #stickwithit when we just want to give up?

Lysa TerKeurst says in her book What Happens When Women Say Yes to God, “A real sign of spiritual maturity is looking to God not for comfort and convenience, but for purpose and perspective.  Comfort and convenience lead to complacency. On the other hand, purpose and perspective lead to the perseverance that is evident in those living a truly devoted life.”

God has a purpose for our life. He has a purpose for the interruption that has just moved us in a new direction.  He loves us more than we could possibly love our own children, and I can’t imagine more love than that; more desire for their welfare and good, but He does.

We can trust that He isn’t withholding or causing something in our life because He wants to see us suffer – no, He is hurting with us.  We trust that He has a perfect plan that He is working out in His timing, weaving it all together into a beautiful tapestry to bring Him glory, and to equip us to do what He is calling us to do.

That’s what it really is all about isn’t it? Bringing God glory by fulfilling the calling He has on our life.

We may think that the twists and turns of life are interruptions, but I think they are just the turns in the road God is leading us down as He is equipping us for every good work (2Timothy 3:17).

I don’t know why my daughter didn’t make the team, she’s a good player and has the skills, but I have to believe that God’s purpose and plan for her don’t include that dream.  This could be that turn in the road that leads her down a new path where He wants her focus to be.

So, I will hug my daughter and weep with her today, but we will also rejoice knowing that it will be okay because God’s plans for her are perfect, and we will watch expectantly to see what new adventures He is leading her to tomorrow.

 

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Aug 8

#PALMS UP

by Debbie

OBS palms up

I walk up with hands clenched, held tightly across my heart. These things are important to me. Some of them are my life itself, I think. How can I f

reely release them? It’ll cost me way too much.

Then I look at the hands held out to receive it all. There is something there already. I look closer. Scars. Nail scars. The ultimate price paid for my life. My eyes meet His. There is only love there. He’s not asking for these things to steal them

away from me; He’s taking them into His care.

This is freedom I’m gazing at. Why am I holding tight to this? Although I feel like I just stepped over a cliff and I’m free falling, my hands open and release everything into His. Things tumble out I didn’t even know were there.

Why am I so desperately holding on to pride, control, doubt, fear, anger? I guess with closed hands holding onto the things I love so much, it’s hard to see the other things that get caught up in that grip.

I turn my palms up and show Him their emp

tiness. He smiles and says, “Now you are ready.”

“Ready for what?” I ask. He won’t say, but just smiles at me with a twinkle in His eye.

Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. — Deuteronomy 6:5

When you read these words, it’s easy to pass over them and say, “Okay, I’m supposed to love God with all of me.” The problem is, that isn’t so easy.

Our theme this week in the Proverbs 31 On-line Bible Study is #Palms Up. Palms up ready to receive all that God has for us. But after reading and studying this verse over the week, I realize that palms up also means letting go of anything that I keep trying to hang on to.

All of me includes my desperate love for my family. The thought of something bad happening to my husband or my children sends a shiver o

f fear right through me. I’m supposed to hold on to them, right? No, #Palms Up, Lord.

As I examine my heart more closely, things rise to the surface that I know I’m holding on to as well; control is a biggy. Why do I hold on to these? #Palms Up, Lord.

All of these things and more ramble around in my heart vying for my attention and attachment.

Idols?

My head says, “No, I don’t have any idols.” My

heart says, “Anything you are choosing to hang on to that keeps you from freely giving your whole heart to Jesus is an idol.”

Over the last few days as I’ve come trembling before the Lord confessing that I’m scared – scared of what may come; scared that His call may cost me too much, Jesus has met me there with loving nail scarred hands assuring me that His hands are the only true place of safety.

#Palms up, Lord!

www.proverbs31.org

http://www.proverbs31.org

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Jun 5

The Water and The Fire

by Debbie

DSC_2276

It was midnight, and once again I was awake; crushing fear causing me to gasp for breath.  Was he breathing?  I slowly turned and gently placed my hand on my husband’s back.  The slow rhythmic breathing calmed me just a little.  Now my thoughts raced toward my son in the next room.  I knew logically that he was just fine, but the terror inside me drove me out of my bed and to his room to check once more.

Just days before I had experienced my third miscarriage, and now a gripping fear of losing the two people I loved most in life was closing in on me.   While the other two miscarriages were devastating, this one seemed to knock the wind out of me.  How could this have happened again?

Could I trust God anymore?  That was really the question on my heart.  I had lost my first husband at 20 in a horrible accident, endured years of heart wrenching infertility, and now the loss of three babies.  What would stop life from ripping away everything else I held dear?

I grappled with this question over the next two days until, crumpled on the floor weeping, I realized that the only safe place to be was in the hand of God.  The loss of anyone or anything in this temporal world would forever be out of my control.  I could choose to walk away from God and try to control my life and everything in it to no avail or I could place my life in God’s hands and know that even if I lost everything I hold dear, He would still have me safely in His care.

A peace washed over me like I had never before experienced.  The fear that had held my heart so tightly the past few days lost its grip, and a new-found calm and confidence replaced its choking squeeze.  I wasn’t any safer physically from life’s tragedies than I had been before, but I was spiritually and emotionally safe for eternity.

Isaiah 43:1a-3b

But now, this is what the Lord says—
he who created you, Jacob,
he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;

God has been faithful to this promise towards me.  Since those many years ago when I placed my life into the loving hands of Jesus, I’ve walked through waters that did not wash over me and fires that did not burn me.  I’ve lost five more babies to miscarriage since that time; eight in all, said goodbye in this physical realm to my sweet daughter who lost her battle with a muscle disease, and faced some other big life challenges along the way.  Throughout them all I have felt His loving hand comforting me, guiding me, and upholding me.

God doesn’t promise us that He will keep us from the waters and the fire, but He does promise He will walk us through them and keep them from overtaking us and destroying us.  We have to trust that the One who created and formed us is the One who redeems us and calls us His own.  He’s invested in us.

I’ll be honest; it hasn’t been easy staying in His hands. For some reason I keep trying to jump out and keep things safe myself, only to realize that this is futile, and I quickly march myself back into the palm of His hand instead of dangling precariously on the fingertip. It has to be a conscious effort for me. I have to decide to do it daily and sometimes moment by moment, but it is the only safe place to stay when the waters rage and the flames lick at my life threatening to set me ablaze.

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May 28

What Are You Thinking?

by Debbie

Brain neuron

Raising kids in a multi-media smorgasbord society is hard.  Especially when they are 11 and 12 and much more tech savvy than I am.

Trying to police what they watch, listen to, and interact with can be daunting.  Gone are the days of Gilligan’s Island and The Beverly Hillbillies as the only thing to watch after school.

Why am I so careful about this? Because I know that what they constantly think about and fill their minds with will affect their actions.  It will affect the way they see the world around them, and will ultimately play the biggest role in the kind of people they turn out to be.

So, as I studied Philippians 4:8 “Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.” It began to sink in that the same things I so carefully pay attention to with my children need to be at the forefront of my attention for me as well.

I’ve read this verse many times, and on the surface always thought it was saying to keep my thoughts positive and clean.  Of course, anytime we dig deeper into a verse we find that it means so much more than what we see on the surface, and sets a standard that is impossible to keep without God’s help.  That’s why I’m so relieved the prior verse promises us that God will guard our hearts and minds through Christ with His peace that surpasses all understanding.

But verse 8 is telling us what we should be setting our minds on.  It’s a choice of our will to do it. This is important because there are a million things, that don’t fit the bill, vying for our attention every day.

Whatever is true. This is a very important one.  This one statement sets up every other thought we have. As Christians we should know that the only standard for what is true is the Word of God.  What we think, our opinions, values, and philosophies on life must line up with the Word of God.

It’s so easy to hear something and say, “Yeah that seems right.” It sounds good to us. Maybe something seems unfair or unjust, so we jump on the band wagon of cultural opinion and take it in as our view of the matter.  The problem is if it opposes the Word of God, then it isn’t true.

“There is a way that seems right to a man, but in the end it leads to death.” –Proverbs 14:12

“For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,” declares the Lord. – Isaiah 54:9

God is clear; we don’t think like He does. The great thing is, He lets us in on how He thinks in His word.

I believe that Paul was exhorting us to make these things a part of who we are and not just a thought that flies through our minds here and there or a positive thinking mantra we have.  This way of thinking should impact us in such a way as to become a part of who we are.

When that happens then our thoughts will become our actions, and respect, integrity, kindness, excellence, and anything else that is worthy of honor and praise will seep into our character. That is when we can begin to make the impact on our world that Jesus is sending us out to do.

So…..

What are you thinking?

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Apr 25

Cranky and Tired

by Debbie

crying toddlerIn repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it. ~ Isaiah 30:15

Have you ever seen a cranky and tired toddler resisting every plea from Mom to come rest in her arms?  The longer she resists the more desperate and out of character her behavior spirals.

Am I like this little child? Throwing my tantrums, trying to have my own way; worn and weary from life.  The Master calls me to enter into His rest.  He beckons me to come into His arms and trust Him to return my strength.

“Come, my child, return to me and rest your sweet head.  Trust me; I know what is best for you.  Lay quiet in my arms and rest, and your strength will return; you will be restored.”

Why do I refuse when I need Him most?

Just like this toddler I don’t want to stop and get quiet.  The busyness and distractions around me are too enticing to let go of.  Sometimes I don’t think I can let go because I need to handle my responsibilities.

“I can do it myself,” I defiantly say.

Some days I give in and run into His arms and find refreshment and strength.  Then there are times I spin out of control until I fall in a heap on the floor; spent and exhausted from the cares of life.

It is time to put childish ways behind me and walk in maturity.

When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me. ~ 1 Corinthians 13:11

Lord, I am so thankful you are patient with me.  You understand my weaknesses, and help me grow in wisdom and maturity.  Let me stay in your arms and find strength. Amen

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